Quotes from the Trip

Larry: "Abigail looks confused about something."
Erin, checking her over: "Oh. That's probably because we put her shoes on the wrong feet!"

Larry, upon observing Abigail and Erin wrestling too close to the edge of the bed while Elmo got flung to the floor as the baby crawled off

"Oh Jesus Erin! It's all fun and games until the baby cracks her head open."

"This girl is gonna' break me!"-- Larry on Abigail always reaching for or taking money to play with over all other toys within reach

Grace, CCAI guide: "Okay, now we are going to the Six Banyan Tree Temple. It was built in 537."

Larry: "So about the time my mom was a teenager."

Larry, watching Abigail try to tackle a roll at breakfast: "It is like watching an anaconda unhinge its jaw to swallow something half its size!"

Grace, CCAI guide, on traffic: "During the Asia Games it was nice. Only cars with the even or odd license plate number could drive on that day. Now, back to normal. Traffic jam."

How to tell when Abigail has finished eating:
Larry: "It is like watching Mt. Vesuvius erupt."

K, a 5-year-old Chinese girl who was adopted as a baby by a white family and E, a 9-year-old Chinese girl adopted by a different white family had the following conversation with each other:

K: "I'm adopted."
E: "Me too!!"

K: "Really?!? I was from China."

E: "Me too! Maybe we knew each other in our orphanages."

K: "Hey mom!! Did you know E was adopted too!?!?"

Grace, CCAI guide, on rubbing the Buddha's belly: "Each time you rub it, that means that you will have another baby. We don't rub it here. One point three billion enough!"

Last Blog from Guangzhou

We cannot believe that today was our last full day in Guangzhou! We have a lot to do tomorrow and we also will begin our trip back to America, which will include one bullet train and 2 airplanes.

Today we enjoyed another whole day with our child. Every day her personality comes through more and we are so proud of her and love her so much. Today was a break-through because today was the first day that she wanted to walk everywhere instead of be carried. We did this by allowing her to wear her squeaky shoes all day long and she loved them so much. One highlight for me was when she was waiting in the lobby with Larry for me and I walked in and she ran as fast as her legs could carry her across the lobby to me.

We also took our "red couch" photos and group photos. Attached you will see pics of our family, our entire travel group, playing with Abigail, and all of the kids on the red couch (Abigail in purple).

Life with our Little Monster

It has been a day or two since we blogged, mostly because Larry wanted to write the next one but then didn't get around to it. Also, since the Little Monster is no longer sick, she naps only about half as much!

She sleeps through the night most nights, and wakes up giggling and ready to play! In the mornings, she likes to start the day by playing all of the games she has learned from us so far: the tongue game, the Indian noise game, the popping game, etc. and she giggles the whole time. She doesn't wake up from naps quite so easily, however, and likes to be held for awhile after she wakes up from naps.

She also will still breathe through her blanket and hold a toothbrush when she is stressed, but those times are few and far between lately. Additionally, it has been 4 days since stray tears of sadness ran silently down her cheeks.

Usually for breakfast, she sits in her high chair and eats a three course breakfast: scrambled eggs, followed by either bread or oatmeal, and then for dessert she has a banana. We cannot even let her see a banana before the first 2 courses are completed or she will refuse all food and go straight to banana.

She enjoys playing in the hotel play room, which is all carpeted and padded and full of toys and is sponsored by Matel. We like to take her there to tire her out before a nap. She goes down for naps easily, but she hates bedtime. Surprisingly to both of us, Larry is a better disciplinarian to her particularly regarding bedtime. She wrestles and fights and screams and wants to play her games and Larry will tell her no and keep rocking her. I can't help laughing. Last night I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt and Larry had to take her and get her to sleep. She was just so silly- squirming and yelling and trying to get me to play with her I couldn't help but laugh.

Despite our initial perception of Guangzhou as a tropical paradise, it has rained for the last 3 days and been cold (not Beijing-cold, but cooler that we would have planned for ourselves) so we have been stuck in-doors. Thank Matel for that playroom!

We have also done some shopping for Abigail and have selected some very nice gifts to give her throughout the coming years. We are quite pleased with ourselves and hope she will like the gifts. It was recommended that we get her some "special" Chinese things, and not because we can't find "made in China" things in the US, but to get her some precious things actually purchased on the adoption trip.

We could not be happier with this child in our lives. Adoption was our first choice for building a family because it just felt "right" to us and we were absolutely correct with this decision!!! She is such a bundle of joy and fun and love. She is intellectually curious. It is amazing that someone who can't even speak can be so funny. Every time I look at her, I feel like I am looking at her for the first and last time so I just want to soak her up.

Dinner Cruise on the Pearl

Guest writer Larry here again. Last night we went on a dinner cruise up and down the Pearl River here in Guangzhou. The Pearl River cuts right through the center of Guangzhou and is one of the major points of pride in this city. Guangzhou recently hosted the Asian Games where they had guests from 45 countries competing in all Olympic events. In an effort to welcome the guests the city of Guangzhou spent an inordinate amount of money lighting buildings and bridges all along the Pearl River. The beautiful lights were the main attraction of the dinner cruise, but we were also looking forward to the Chinese cuisine that was to be served buffet style. The weather was not very cooperative for this cruise as it was windy, rainy, and cold. Most of our pictures were taken from inside the boat. Erin was left hungry after the dinner because most of the food was very spicy and had to resort to eating Abigail's cookies. I on the other hand was most pleased with the meal. As you can see from the picture I tried just about everything that was available (when in Rome...) I went and found our agency reps and asked them about eating chicken feet. They asked what my experience was and I told them that I thought it was a lot of effort for a small amount of food. They laughed and told me that in Guangzhou most people only enjoy eating chicken feet when they are drinking hard liquor! I still found it interesting and it reminded me of when Jim (Erin's brother) and I polished off a plate of fried chicken knees in Japan. Good times. The buildings and the bridges were really beautiful despite the cold rain. Erin managed to get a great picture of one of the bridges with its lights reflecting off of the water. I got a decent picture of the Guangzhou Tower, which our guides claim is the 2nd highest building in the world (see reference here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canton_Tower). Just as I thought the trip was complete, I was reminded of a famous saying: "What dinner cruise isn't complete without a clown?" The clown came out to a Russian polka that was only about 30 seconds long and repeated over and over for about 10 minutes. It was fun (sarcasm intended.) Our tour group got back on the bus humming and whistling the polka tune.

If I were to do this all over again, what would I do differently?

There are some things we would have done differently to prepare for our trip so I just want to put these ideas out there for other adoption travelers who may read this blog.

First, I would like to say we would go with CCAI as our agency all over again. They were clear and informative and prompt at every step in the process, but everyone always said that their in-country guides and social workers are the best. Really they are. We could not have had the smooth in-country experience that we have had (they do paperwork for us, run errands, go with us to take Abigail to the doctor, recommend food and restaurants, organize group outings, etc.). I would definitely go with a SN child again also. Abigail's personality is revealed to us a little more each day and she is such a sweetheart and she just soaks up everything we try to teach her.

Now, the stuff I would do differently.

I would like to preface this with the fact that we only brought 2 smallish suitcases that are 10in x 25 x 15 (approximately) that held stuff for all three of us and a backpack each. We didn't bring carry on luggage or an extra suitcase for Abigail. 2 small suitcases and 2 backpacks total. And I still think we brought too much stuff.

1. Packing. Larry and I were so obsessed with the below freezing temps we would be facing in Beijing that we completely over-packed for that leg of the trip. Even though we were there for parts of 4 days, it was only really 2 days doing stuff in Beijing, but we packed too many Under Armor undershirts and long underwear and 4 sweaters/sweatshirts each. We could have brought 2 sets of the base layers and worn the same outer layers both days and saved on 3 sets of heavy clothes each. There are heavy clothes that we never wore, but have to lug around. Also, we wore jeans on the flight over and we each packed 2 more. Packing only 1 more would have been sufficient. We did NOT pack enough short sleeve t-shirts. I didn't pack enough shirts that I don't care about a baby staining while on my shoulder. We didn't need all of the electricity converters we brought: all of our hotels had them to borrow.

2. CCAI said "Laundry facilities are at each hotel" and since Larry and I didn't know that meant "Laundry services that the hotel will take 24 hours to do and return and charge exorbitantly for doing so" we would have packed more socks and underwear. We thought 4 days' worth of underclothes would be good and we could take an hour, throw them in a machine, and be done with it. But the first 2 hotels charged per item. A woman we are traveling with thought it was free and had half a load done and it cost over $80. Laundry is cheap and easily accessible in Guangzhou.

3. Living on top of each other: we were not prepared for this. In total, we will be on a plane, in a hotel, or in transit home for 18 days. We are together 24-7 in a hotel room most of the time. When the baby sleeps, we both want to get stuff done: on the computer, organizing clean clothes from dirty, reading, napping, showers, etc and we are in this nice but TINY hotel room and have zero personal space or time apart. That is difficult for even the best couples to manage for 18 straight days. When we were DINKs on vacations, we would frequently spend a few hours apart exercising, seeing different shows, etc. This is not possible right now.

4. Blogging sites are blocked here. Either find a good proxy or have a good friend or family member back home to help you out. My wonderful brother Jim has been receiving my blogs as emails and posting them for me because I was aware that this might be a problem so we worked this out ahead of time. Other people in my group are using a proxy or are also emailing entries.

5. This one is more for 1st time parents: it is hard enough learning how to be a parent all of a sudden, but throw in the fact that you are learning in a different country with a vastly different language and living out of suitcases it is all the more challenging. Be sure to have the following items:

bibs (and remember to bring them with you at meal times!), a baby spoon, TWO bottles, pocket knife (been used a thousand times this week for various things), snacks ("baby treats" as Larry calls them- we wish we had brought more Gerber Graduates food like yogurt melts), a jumbo bottle of Advil (the meds you can buy here aren't the same and suddenly carrying around a 20 pound kid is taxing on us and we are already in shape!), about 300 baby wipes (we only brought about 100 and are going to fall short and the ones we bought here are thin).

Guess who has a boo-boo

Abigail wanted all of her people to know that she has a boo-boo, we don't know what type, and that-despite her screams- the doctor was only cleaning the wound, not amputating the finger.

(There was stuck-on cookie on her finger around the wound and the doctor found very puzzling. Larry kept telling our interpreter that it was cookie, but the doctor didn't believe it until after a formal investigation of the substance. Also, we don't know how the injury happened. She came with it, but it has been getting worse.)

Six Banyan Tree Temple and Chen Ancestral House

This morning we took a tour of the Temple of the Six Banyan Trees. It is a Buddhist temple that is 1500 years old.

http://www.travelchinaguide.com/attraction/guangdong/guangzhou/six_tree.htm

Then we went to the Chen Ancestral House.

http://www.chinadiscover.net/china-tour/guangdongguide/guangdong-guangzhou-chenfamily.htm

Both places were nice, but not interesting to a 1-year old child. We got some nice pictures though.

Abigail's personality is emerging more each day. She is such a happy and curious child. She is a sweetheart who is trying so much to learn from us. We don't have to hold her 24-7 anymore. She likes to be held after she wakes up, for about an hour, and she prefers to fal asleep that way, although last night she woke up and entertained herself for 45 minutes in her crib just babbling and trying all of the games and tricks we have been teaching her, as if she was practicing. Jim said she is studying like a good Chinese kid already! She plays hard now, likes to wrestle, likes games, enjoys repeating sounds we make and gestures we do. She crashes hard at nap-time and loves when we let her feed herself. She prefers French fries to steamed white rice, and she loves fruit. (She only had one Fry, btw, we aren't trying to make her fat already but she really did not want her rice after the fry was gone!)

The White Swan, Guangzhou

We LOVE LOVE LOVE Guangzhou. The 3rd largest city in China, it is warm, clean, you can walk everywhere, there is a variety of food and the Pearl River runs through here. Right by our hotel looks like The Point at Three Rivers in Pittsburgh. It is just beautiful and warm here. If anyone is interested in a south-east Asian vacation, I would suggest this as a city you see.

Our hotel is super nice. Again, we had to remind Abigail that our home isn't as fancy- we don't have a 3-story Christmas tree, a 3-story waterfall, ancient bonsai trees, a koi pond or an aviary in our lobby (nor do we have a lobby!), and our house is not made of marble. But it will do for now! (Jim, Steph, and Dad- it really reminds me of the Budget Inn we stayed in on night 3 (in Hancock) of our bike trip from Pittsburgh to DC last summer!)

There are also lots of places to buy things, both real quality things and cheap imitation things and also places to get laundry done (which we really need at this point in the trip).

See the attached pics of the White Swan and Guangzhou.

Abigail Health Update

We are now in Guangzhou, the most fabulous city on Earth we have been to besides NYC. It is tropical and beautiful.

Anyhow, this is just a quick post to tell you that Abigail had her immigration physical today.

Her lip and palate are completely repaired, although some of her teeth didn't come in on the top where the cleft was.

She is also 18.6 pounds and 30 inches!!

Baby Bird's First Flight

Above: When we thought baby bird would sleep the whole time.

Below Right: Abigail and Larry waiting to go through security

Below Left: We put the baby in charge of carrying the passports for the three of us. She did a great job. We should have given her more responsibility because on the plane we lost that darling little red hat from Norma K that she has been wearing in all of the pictures!!

In addition to calling Abigail "little monkey" we sometimes call her "baby bird" because of the way she tilts her head back and opens and closes her mouth for you to put food into it. (And btw Jim, what is Big Bird's real name?) Anyhow, last night was her first ride on an airplane. The first 20 minutes were good- she had a bottle and fell asleep. We patted ourselves on the back for being such great parents and thought the rest of the flight would be no problem. Then she woke up and we played "try to entertain an exhausted 14 month old for 70 minutes on a plane". How are we ever going to make it 17.5 hours in the air from Hong Kong to Detroit?!?!?!

First Bath and Leo Bloom's Blue Blanket

Abigail has been down for her morning nap for over 2.5 hours. Larry is passed out with her: they both had a rough night last night.

I really want to organize our stuff into suitcases again for our flight this evening (each time I have to do this, it is harder- apparently our stuff is multiplying), but don't want to make noise and wake them up, but blogging is pretty quiet.

Thanks for all of the advice from everyone on what to do about Abigail not letting us sit down. We appreciated your help, even though it was all variations of "hang in there" while we are dead exhausted and living in a hotel with a sick baby and all we want to do is prove to Abigail that we love her sitting down as well as standing. We still have to stand up most of the time when she is awake, but yesterday she did start to let us play with her while sitting, so that was a start. Maybe she will let us sit and play with her a little more today.

Attached are pics from our first successful bath with Abigail. She was standing in the hotel sink. As Steph pointed out to me, we have no idea what we are doing, and our first attempt at a bath was not successful. Apparently, kids don't like to be in chest-deep, skin-blanching water in a full-sized bathtub. (Larry's idea.) Our second attempt, holding her over the tub while pouring water over her was also a failure. (My idea.) We tried to convince her that we are actually a pretty intelligent duo, but she doesn't believe us.

If anyone has ever seen The Producers (movie or musical or movie musical) you know that there is a scene in which Leo Bloom becomes stressed out and he reaches for his blue blanket, holds it over his nose, and breathes deeply into it. We have discovered that Abigail has taught herself this same stress-relieving technique. When something really stresses her out, often she won't scream (only sitting down makes her scream). Instead, if she is stressed (such as when one of us leaves the room, she is fighting sleep, she dirties her diaper, there are too many people around her, etc.) she holds her blanket over her face and hyperventilates into it until her breathing slows down or the situation is made right again. We think she is an amazing adaptor-- this has to be a behavior she developed at the orphanage. Again, we are impressed at the depth of her intellect, instinct and emotions.

"How is it possible to love someone THIS much?" -- Larry

This will be a quick post, but today was the most incredible day so far! Mostly, the day was indescribable, because Abigail was really interacting with us. Not just letting us change her and feed her and hold her, but really *playing* with us. She started giving hugs, not just hanging onto us for dear life. For example, she was standing on my lap and then suddenly looked into my eyes, smiled, threw her arms around my neck and hugged me and started giggling. It was the best noise in the whole world.

Larry got her to sing this evening. She repeated his "la la la"s in a sort of little song.

Also, she didn't make us stand all day today either. She trusted us enough to let go of our necks and play. For almost an hour, we sat together and played little games. Larry was the silly one who high-fived her, pretended to steal her toy, and tickled her ribs while I was "base" and she giggled and hid in my arms.

We also took her to the park, but since she is still a litte sick, we bundled her up very well and were only out about 20 minutes.

Tomorrow we fly to Guangzhou for a week in tropical paradise.

Happy New Year!

How do the Chinese stay so skinny with so much good food?

When Lar and I went to Japan for a month, we wrote emails to our friends about our experiences, but I was criticized for writing too much about food. If you aren't interested in food, don't read this entry. But it is nearly impossible to go to a country with such a vastly different culture and ignore the importance of interesting and new food and the depth it brings to your experience in that country. When we traveled to Ontario for our anniversary this past summer, we did not write home about the food there because, aside from ice wine and Tim Horton's, there is not a lot of difference. But in Asia, the food is part of the experience. It is a huge part, actually, considering it is something you think about at least 3 times per day.

In response to my title, I know that a typical Chinese person is not wealthy and can't afford to eat the way that Lar and I have been eating on this trip. Also, we are staying in international hotels that have buffets for breakfast that represent food diversity of several continents. (This buffet, BTW, is something that our agency worked into the cost of the trip, which Lar and I are glad about because we would have balked at the price and gone out onto the street to forage for some food from a vendor every morning, but instead, we get to think of it as "free" and really enjoy it.)

Our breakfasts have consisted of fresh squeezed juices, coffee any style (latte, espresso, American, Brazilian, etc), fresh fruit, any type of pastry that you could find in America (hard rolls, toast on 20 different breads, Danish, Chinese donuts- think funnel cake without the powdered sugar, muffins, etc) and bacon and eggs.

But then there are the options for smelly cheeses and cold cuts of meat (European style), yoghurt type something (in the style of Turkish or Greek food), Chinese foods like eggplant, vegetables we don't have in America, familiar fruit and also fruits we don't have in America (like Fire Dragon Fruit- a white kiwi/pineapple thing), and various noodle dishes (my favorite breakfast here).

There are also a variety of soups (including Mutton, which Jim and Steph would enjoy given their love of mutton tacos), fresh made sushi, sashimi (the cuts of fish you can get in Asia put anything we have ever had in America to shame).

Lunches with our tour group have been family style, with 8 or 10 of us passing around bowls of noodles, unidentified meats, soups, rice, and many slimy (but good tasting) green vegetables. Lunches on our own, Lar and I find little shops that serve bentos (bento is the Japanese word for it; I don't know the Chinese word for it) which are small boxes of food with several partitions in them, each partition housing rice or noodles, meat, some type of Chinese style vegetable, and various other things we can't identify but taste new and interesting. One way our lunches fall short of our expectations are that, unlike in Japan where every block had several convenience stores to get take out sushi and bentos, we cannot find any such place here, so everything is a sit-down ordeal.

I'd also like to say a word about snacks in Asia. We experienced this in Japan as well as China, but there are the best snacks here, particularly crackers/cookies. They are not sweet and overloaded with high fructose corn syrup as everything is in America (inconvenient for me since I can't eat HFCS due to a health issue). In Asia, amazing things are done with with sesame seeds, almond flavoring, salt, or maybe a pinch of sugar in small but satisfying portions of individually wrapped crackers.

Bon Appétit

I guess every woman has mother's instincts AND fun on shopping excursion (entry by Larry)

Guest writer Larry here. I had to write about two experiences that I have had here in Zhengzhou.

Back home in the states we have a little dog named Jedi. Sometimes Jedi needs to go outside in the middle of the night or she might get scared as a storm approaches (she is a sissy dog). I would always hear Jedi when she needed help, whether it was a little yip, a bark, or even her sleeping chair creaking as she prepared to jump down from it to come let us know that there is a problem in her world. Erin would always sleep through all of that (and more, including when thunder would make the house shake - "What, it rained last night?") I had assumed that the same situation would play out with Abigail, however here in China there is quite a different story. It seems that having a baby brings out an unknown sonar ability in Erin. We have now had two straight nights where Abigail woke up and Erin heard her and I did not. This morning Erin actually had to wake me up to help her. I didn't know that Erin was up out of bed or that Abigail was awake! I am glad that one of us can hear this little monster when she needs us.

We (the adoption group minus Erin and Abigail) went shopping at the Lotus store the other day. I had a shopping list ready to go and was excited about seeing what the CCAI people deemed the "Chinese Wal-Mart" (there are actual Wal-Marts here in China, but I guess the Chinese don't really like them.) When we went in the CCAI guide told us that the first floor of the building was all little self-owned shops, like a market. The second and third floors were the Lotus store. The second floor was all food and the third floor had everything else (clothes, electronics, sporting goods, etc.) They gave us 1.5 hours to complete our shopping. I thought that was too long as this amount of shopping would take me about 15 minutes back home. I tried to get started on my list and immediately found Abigail's formula. I had assumed that all the baby stuff would be together, but sadly, that was not the case. The formula was at the front of the 2nd floor, the diapers were at the front of the 3rd floor, the pacifier was in the middle of the third floor, and the baby snacks were with the crackers on the 2nd floor. I would never have been able to find all of this stuff without our CCAI guide, Rita. I had to accuse her of slipping a tracking chip onto my shirt somewhere because every time that I felt lost or couldn't find what I wanted Rita would show up next to me out of thin air. She would take me to the zone I needed to be in and then disappear to go help somebody else. I would probably still be shopping now if not for her help. Even with her help it took me 70 minutes to shop, look through the meat and veggie section of the store, and check out. The store was full of people in the veggie and meat section. I was surprised as to how crowded it was, however Yisha, another CCAI guide, later said that she was really happy that the store was empty! I guess it is all relative. The only downside to the store was that I couldn't find any Toppo for snacks for Erin and me (and gifts for some O'Broktas back home) and had to settle for Pocky instead.

Back at the hotel now (at 5:30 AM) we are really happy because Abigail doesn't seem to have anywhere near the runny nose problem that she has had since we got her AND Abigail's digestive system is totally working properly now (she was going #1 fine, but we had to wait a while for #2 to happen). She seems much happier now.

Abigail's Favorite Game: Advice Needed

Abigail has invented a game. Here are the only two rules: if you aren't holding her, you lose and if you sit down, you also lose. Larry said that game is like "Heads I win, Tails you lose."

You don't always have to be moving to win, but you may not sit under any circumstances. For example, you might be standing perfectly still, Abigail over one shoulder, and then slowly try to sit straight down in a tall chair behind you. She screams, you stand back up, and she wins the game.

Luckily there are two of us so we can take turns playing the game. And if she is asleep, you can sometimes not play the game and transfer her to her crib or to the bed. Last night at 3 o'clock AM she wanted to be held while sleeping. I let her sleep on my chest, curled up in a ball, my arm around her. When she was sound asleep, I tried to transfer her ("hug and roll") but she woke up and clung for dear life like a baby monkey to its mother. So I let her sleep on my chest for another hour. When I thought she was sound asleep again, I tried to transfer her to the bed next to me. She woke up a minute later, took matters into her own hands, and crawled up onto my chest again and fell asleep for the rest of the night.

Adoption Finalized (Just in time for this tax year!)

Yesterday I was holding Abigail while brushing my teeth and she wanted to have a toothbrush too. So I gave her the one from the hotel to play with. It is her new favorite toy. We went to the local registration office, where the adoption was finalized and they had to take an "official" picture for their records, and there is Abigail, holding her toothbrush.

Anyhow, here is a picture of the three of us, right after the adoption was made official.

And a picture of Abigail with her toothbrush, just because it is cute.

Attachment Issues and the Grieving Process

We have one really amazing kid here. We love her so much and she wants to trust us, because we are the ones here taking care of her, feeding her, changing her and even sometimes, making her laugh. When we went through our mandated 10 hours of parent classes to be able to adopt from China, we were told that children attach in different ways. Some kids are so neglected in the orphanage that they have already shut down and given up and are very slow to attach. Others, after experiencing the same neglect, realize suddenly that someone will tend to their every need and desire and quickly attach and become clingy. Some kids attach only to mom and others only to dad. This made sense to us. We were also told that kids go through a grieving process when they are adopted. The grieve for the foster home they lost, the birth mom they will never know, the familiarity of their orphanage or for a worker they may have attached to. Larry and I sort of ignored that part of the course, thinking that since Abigail would only be 13 months, she would not be old enough to grieve.

We did not give her enough credit. The depth of her emotion is beyond what we can understand and what she is going through right now is breaking our hearts.

She seems to have attached to both of us pretty well. When one of us is gone from the room, she will often become very stressed out. Larry went through this yesterday when I had to go for an hour to a paperwork meeting. Twenty-four hours of love, attention, and bonding later, Abigail is a very conflicted little girl. Today Larry had to leave for 2.5 hours to run errands. One hour into the separation Abigail became inconsolable. She was in my arms and we were sitting in a chair. She crawled onto her knees on my lap, facing me and began to go through a type of comfort ritual that we have noticed she does when she becomes stressed. She stuffed a corner of her blanket into her mouth and sucked on it, silent tears ran down her face, she started hyperventilating, and buried her face in my chest for about 5 minutes, sobbing silently and sucking on her blanket and gripping my shirt th

e whole time. Then her breath would slow down, she would sit up, look into my eyes, find a dry spot on her blanket, and repeat the process.

This little human being has been through 2 abandonments (as she sees it) so far in her life and seems terrified that it will happen again. We talked to the social worker with us here, worried that something is really wrong with her because all of the other kids are playing on the floor with their new families and our kid can't be out of our arms for 2 seconds. Apparently, this is just another version of "normal", although it seems like the most cruel and heart wrenching thing in the world to us right now. We have no way to tell her "We are never going to abandon you: this is it, Kid, you are stuck with us!" except to just keep holding her, letting the tears fall, and letting her work through it.

Sleeping Monkey

On the first night with Abigail, when she fell asleep Lar said she was a "ticking time bomb" because she would go off in 8 hours and our time to rest would be over. But now that we are a few days into the experience, he doesn't feel that way any more. We love to watch her sleep. Check out the pics to see why.

When she is in her crib, she is like a rolley-polley all over the place with her blanket.

She is also a champion bus-sleeper.

Christmas time in China

Though not a Christian nation, China has been recently embracing the secular side of the Christmas holiday. There is Christmas music playing in stores and hotels and lobbys. There are trees and lights and decorations everywhere. One thing Lar and I both particularly liked was that all of the decorations didn't disappear on December 26th, like they do in America. We both wish that in America the Christmas music and decorations would start a little later (after Thanksgiving) but go until New Year's Day. But in China, everything is still decorated nicely.

One of our favorite decorations is a mounted deer head, as you would see proudly displayed on the wall of a hunter in America. But if you look closely, the deer is actually Rudolph!! As Jim and Steph know, some things don't translate well into Asian culture and I guess this is one of them.

Pictures are of poor Rudolph, Abigail examining some lobby decorations, and of Lar and Abigail in front of the hotel lobby tree. Abigail LOVES the hotel lobby. We hang out there and she looks at all the marble staircases and floors and the 3 story ceilings and the grand piano and the lights and the snow flakes and chandeliers and just stares at it all. We had to explain to her that our house in America is not so fancy!!

OMG!!! We are equal parts "love her to death" and "exhausted"

We are sorry that we haven't posted for a day or two: we got Abigail and we have been quite busy. We are exhausted and we ache - babies are exercise! We were also unaware that new parents do not get to eat, but when presented with the choice between "eat" and "sleep", the latter is chosen.

Here are some details about getting her ("Gotcha Day" in adoption slang) that you may find interesting.

All the families were driven to the registration office and we walked in and some kids were already there waiting to be adopted and their parents were matched with them really quickly. Moms were crying, Dads were crying, newly adopted kids were looking, playing with new presents and the rest of us were snapping pictures of everything. Then the next rush of kids were brought into the room by their orphanage workers. Abigail was among them. We recognized her when she came through the door. She was carried by a young orphanage worker or "nanny". When the nanny handed Abigail over to us, she began to scream. And cry. Huge tears streamed down her face as she reached for her nanny. Lar and I had assumed months ago that when we finally got to hold her for the first time, we would both be crying, but luckily, Abigail took care of that for all three of us. The nanny also handed us a photo album, full of pictures from Abigail's first year! It was so special and not a very usual gift to receive.

The whole time we were at the registration office, whenever Abigail caught sight of her nanny, she would try to throw herself to the ground, climb rock climber style over Larry's shoulder to get to her, reach out to her and wail. It was heartbreaking. And ours was the only kid crying (she is also one of the 2 youngest).

What we found out later, after the nanny left, was that the nanny had loved Abigail so much, she called her "daughter" and Abigail had been calling her "mama" and sometimes the orphanage worker even took her home at night instead of making her stay in the orphanage. She took pictures of her, some in the orphanage, some in her home that we love so much: she is wearing funny costumes, hats, playing on the floor, opening our care packages, celebrating her birthday... this little girl was so very taken care of by this woman and hadn't been just another mouth in a line of cribs to feed on schedule!!! And we couldn't even thank her.

We are very grateful for this attention and love she had in her first year, even though it made our first day(s) together heart wrenching. While other new adoptees are playing on the floor with their parents, toddling down the hall, etc, ours is clinging to us for dear life.

Lar is amazed (as am I) that a 13 month old has such complex emotions. She has already realized that we are here to take care of her and love her, but that means if one of us leaves the room, she screams. She must be scared to death of being "abandoned" again. In addition to this challenge, she has chest congestion and a cough. We took her to the doctor and she is on 2 medicines (we don't know what), but she is not too interested in taking them.

A few pics are posted, but we plan to post many more, as well as a video, as our little monkey gets adjusted and we have more time to do such things. This has already taken 10 minutes of my sleeping time, so good night and happy viewing!